Chapter 51
ASHERS POW
I wake up the next morning, my head pounding and my heart heavy with the weight of my actions. The memory of what I did last night loorns over me like a dark cloud, and I can’t shake the feeling of disgust and shame that comes with it.
I try to push it all away, to drown out the gush and the temptation with drink, but it’s no use. The more I drink, the clearer the memories become, and the harder it is to ignore the desires that have been festering inside of me.
I
I pour myself another glass of whiskey, the amber liquid sloshing around in the crystal tumbler. It burns as it goes down, but I relish the pain, the distraction it brings from the thoughts that plague me
I think of Ray of her soft curves and her shining eyes. I think of the way she looked at me last night, her fear and horror etched into every line of her face. And I think of how badly I wanted her, how badly I still want her, even now
The whiskey is no longer enough to quiet the voice in my head, the voice that tells me to take what I want, no matter the cost. I know it’s wrong. I know its sick and twisted, but I can’t help it. The more I think about Raya, the more I want her.
I pour myself another glass, and then another. The room spins around me, and I can barely keep my balance. I don’t care. All I want is to forget, to lose myself in the numbness of alcohol
But the memories won’t let me go. They haunt me, they forment me, and I can feel myself slipping further and further into darkness.
I wonder if Raya can sense it, if she can feel the darkness that surrounds me. I wonder if she knows the truth, that I am not the man I pretend to be,
t I am capable of things that would make her recoll in horror.
The thought makes me sick, and I take another gulp of whiskey, hoping it will wash the feeling away. But it only makes it worse. The memories come back stronger. Sercer, and I know that I am losing control.
I stumble to my feet, the room spinning around me. I know I should stop, that I should find a way to fight these feelings, these desires. But I can’t! im too weak too broken, 100 consumed by the darkness inside me
And so I drink, and I drink, and I drink, until the world around me fades away and I am left alone with my demons
The only sound is the soft clink of my glass as I take another drink, trying to drown out the thoughts that swirl through my mind. Thoughts of her. Raya. The woman who has come to mean so much to me, yet who I can never have.
As I take another sp. I hear a knock on my door. I sigh, knowing who it must be. Caden. Always the responsible one, always trying to keep me in line. I don’t want to see him. I don’t want anyone to see me like this, to see the weakness that I’m trying so hard to hide.
But I can’t ignore him. I get up and make my way to the door, the glass still in my hand. I open it, and there he is, looking at me with a mixture of concern and disgust
“What are you doing?” he asks, his voice hard and cold.
I try to shrug it off. “just having a drink. What’s the big deal?”
The big deal is that you’re drinking alone in the middle of the day. What’s wrong with you, Asher?”
I don’t want to answer him. I don’t want to admit that I’m weak, that I can’t control myself. But he grabs the glass from my hand, and in my panic. I try to stop him. The glass slips from my fingers and shatters on the floor, sending fragments of glass scattering across the room.
Caden’s face contorts with anger. “What the hell is wrong with your You’re acting like a damn child”
I feel a surge of shame and self–loathing. He’s right. I’m acting like a child, a weak and pathetic one at that. I don’t know how to face him, how to explain myself
“I don’t know I finally mutter. “I just. I can’t stop thinking about her. Raya. It’s driving me insane.”
Caden’s expression softens, but only slightly. “I know it’s hard. But ye
you can’t keep doing this. You can’t keep drinking yourself into a stupor every time you think about her.”
“I know,” I say, any voice barely above a whisper. “But I don’t know what the to do”
“And what do you mean by that?” He said, staring at me murderously.
“Raya. I just don’t feel normal around her anymore. And it’s eating me up.”
10:20 PM c
Chapter 51
Caden’s eyes widened in disbelief as I revealed to him that Raya might be my mate. I could practically see the gears turning in his mind as he tried- to process the implications of what I had just said. For a moment, there was silence between us, broken only by the soft clink of broken glass as Caden cleared away the shards of the broken glass.
The look on his face was a mixture of shock, disbelief, and a hint of anger. It was as if he couldn’t believe that I had made such a colossal mistake, as if I had betrayed him in some unforgivable way. But how could I explain it to him? How could I make hun understand the depth of my feelings for Raya, the way that being near her made my heart race and my blood sing
I could feel the weight of his judgment on me, pressing down on me like a heavy stone. I wanted to explain myself, to make him see that my actions were not driven by selfishness or arrogance, but by something deeper and more primal. But how could I articulate such a thing?
“Caden, I know it sounds crazy,” I began, my voice low and hesitant. “But I can’t help
a lot to take in, but I need you to trust me on this.”
she was different. I know
the way I feel about her. From the moment I saw her, I knew
But Caden was having none of it. He shook his head, his eyes narrowing with suspicion.
“You’re acting like a damn fool, Asher,” he said, his voice sharp and angry. “You know the risks involved. And yet you throw everything away for this girl? You’re risking not only your own life, but the lives of everyone in this pack. Do you even understand that?”
I felt a surge of anger rise up in me at his words. How dare he judge me! How dare he presume to know what was in my heart? But I held my tongue, knowing that he was right in some ways. The risks were enormous, and the consequences
“You need to figure it out,” Caden says firmly. “Before it’s too late. The Pack will never accept her if she is your mate. Let’s hope she isn’t bit if she is, then just know that you have a lot to work on Just know that.”
He leaves, and I left alone in the silence, nuked against my drink.
Start and I’m left alone in the silence, muked against my drink.
