Chapter 4
I fell for him–hard. There was no denying it, no way to stop the feelings once they started. From that moment on, I was all in for the boy standing right in front of me. But even after we got together, life didn’t magically get easier. We still got plenty of side–eyes and whispers. Being a couple–both of us deaf and mute–meant we were always a little on the outside. The people who’d always disliked him just found new ways to mock and mess with him.–8
Still, through five years of malice and misunderstanding, we never let go of each other’s hands. I really believed he was the one, my forever. I thought that if we could get through the hard times, nothing else could tear us apart–not even a lifetime of struggle.
Then he got into another car accident.
When he came out of it, everything changed. He could speak. His voice was deep, smooth, and I fell for him all over again, every single time he opened his mouth.!
I thought about telling Jared my secret–how I felt, how I’d always felt. But before I could, I realized the five years I’d stood by him had somehow become a heavy weight on his heart. My loyalty, my love, had turned into his burden.
I couldn’t even tell if I was sad or just numb. Maybe it was just the kind of sorrow that sits in your bones.
A saying popped into my head: Most people can share hardship, but not everyone can share happiness.
I guess that’s just human nature. And right then, it was like Jared and I were living proof.
L
I felt so hollow. When he reached for me, I shoved him away as hard as I could and ran out of the restaurant, not even looking back.
If his love wasn’t genuine anymore–if it was mixed up with guilt or pity–I didn’t want it. Not at all.
032
walked away without a word, leaving Jared embarrassed in front of all his friends. He was pissed. He texted me:
M
W
W:
%
” %
2
” *
[Everyone at the party tonight was my friend. You left without saying a thing–I can’t even explain what happened. Whatever. Cool off. I’m not coming home for a few days.}
I stared at his message, feeling this weird, bitter irony.
The old Jared, again.
he’d seen me disappear like that, would have panicked. He would have worried I’d run into trouble, and he’d have stuck by my side until I smiled
But now? His first instinct was just to be embarrassed.
I didn’t even know how to describe what I was feeling. Just… heavy, like a stone pressing against my chest, making it hard to breathe. I felt like I could just disappear. I was wrecked.
But my phone kept buzzing with notifications.
Jared and I had always liked sharing little pieces of our lives on Twitter. Hardly anyone ever saw what we posted, but it felt good to let things out, even if it was just into the void.
Now Jared had just updated his account.
I couldn’t stop myself–I looked, even though I knew it would hurt.
He was on the beach with a bunch of friends, everyone grinning and looking wild and free. Jared had his arm around some girl I’d never seen, a beer in his other hand, his eyes bright and carefree. He looked like he didn’t have a single worry in the world. Like he’d already forgotten about me.
He was so happy.”
And right then, our feelings couldn’t have been more different. We were living in different worlds.
042
Jared needed to blow off steam.
that he’d left his old life behind.
After five years of being stared at and laughed at, he finally felt “normal” again. He wanted everyone to know–wanted to shout it out to the world that he was back,
4
